The Beauty and the Dwarf
by Mark1
Summary: The tale as old as time gets refurbished with wacky consequences—A Hoggle and Sarah romance… and Jareth is far from happy! R/R...


**The Beauty and the Dwarf**

(By **Mark**) 

**Disclaimer:**

_I don't own anything, but the idea for this story._ _I don'tclaim to the Labyrinth, any of its characters or ideas. This includes any other characters of ideas I have listed here in this story that are not mine, for example Sponge Bob Squarepants. (If I owned some of them, I would be forced to kill myself!)_

**Chapter One:**

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**T**here once lived a dwarf named Hoggle. This creature was mischievous, terrible and yellow-bellied coward. (A menace you could say, unless you gave him your jewelry.) Hoggle worked for the head honcho of the Underground, the ruler over the Goblins, creator of the Labyrinth… a.k.a. Jareth. Hoggle hated his employer, the Goblin King. He hated him more that anything, including the TV show, Sponge Bob Squarepants, he's least favorite thing in the world. As a matter of fact, he thought of Jareth as nothing more than brussell sprouts chunks with moldy cheese. (Something everyone hates, dwarf or human.) Hoggle damned Jareth for everything. 

One fine sunny day, Hoggle's distaste for the Goblin King rose to a new high. Hoggle sat within the depths of Labyrinth forest, when an idea hit him, like Sarah throwing rocks at the castle guard's heads. It happened when Hoggle was picking his big snout and was about ready to eat a plump, juicy burger that lay on his finger. 

"Eureka!" Hoggle screamed. (If you have ever heard nails going down a chalkboard, then you have heard Hoggle's horrid vocal chords when he screams.) The small dwarf jumped from the lichen-grown toadstool from which he had been sitting upon. Green and brown lichen flew from Hoggle's rather large buttocks and landed on the forest floor with a faint thud. (If you are wondering about Hoggle's slimy burger; it flew through the air and nailed a Coo-Coo Bird in the head, thus saving the British Tea-Worm's life, only allowing him to die under the crushing weight of the unconscious bird.) 

Laughing, Hoggle jumped into the air with excitement and clapped his hands together like a giddy schoolgirl on crack. He fell onto his fat ass, knocking the toadstool out by its roots and causing a small earthquake in Iran. Hoggle screamed out in pain. 

"Damn you, Jareth!" Hoggle caught himself crying and hurriedly wiped the tears away from his big, blue eyes. If Jareth had seen him crying, Hoggle would have been thrown headfirst into the Bog of Eternal Stench. (And Hoggle was smelly enough without being tossed in there, or so Jareth had once said.) Hoggle pushed himself to his feet and sniffed back the yellowish snot running down his cheeks back into his nose. "And damn me too," he darkly muttered. 

Forgetting his sudden idea, Hoggle began to wonder aimlessly down the forest path, leaving a broken toadstool and a huge crack (from his overly large butt cheeks) in the ground. His mood was darkening quickly and Hoggle hated to feel upset, for it only gave more room to Jareth for taunting and torture. Hoggle kicked a pebble that lurked in his path. It flew threw the air and slammed into a head of a nearby Fiery. The bright orange creature's head ripped clear off of its body, crashing hard into the dirt. Hoggle shrieked like an elephant that saw a mouse, for he had never seen anyone's head tear off of their body like that. 

The Fiery's head switched on the ground and dirt spilled out from its long muzzle. Hoggle was shocked and astounded. It was still alive! The body of the Fiery turned around and waved a fist at Hoggle while the head cursed loudly from a mud-caked mouth. 

"You can't play like that!" the head shouted. "It's against the rules! You should loose your head!" Hoggle quickly grabbed at his neck with stout, clumsy fingers. He did not want to loose his head… it fit all too nicely onto his neck! Hoggle ran like Forrest Gump on steroids. The fiery heatedly watched him leave the scene of the beheading. The body turned toward the direction that Hoggle escaped and flew the dwarf the bird. The head muttered more profanities. (Among them was, "When I am done with you… I'll make King Henry the 8th look bad!") 

Hoggle did not want to stop running until he reached his home on the outskirts of the Labyrinth. No such luck for our friend Hoggle. He turned to see whether the Fiery was behind him and slammed straight into a tree. (Stupid Hoggle. Oops… I mean, poor Hoggle.) The bedazzled dwarf fell hard onto the ground and the words, 'Damn you Jareth,' poured out from his lips. Hoggle's mind did a 360 spin into complete and total darkness while small, yellow birds feverishly danced around his head. Hoggle's tongue lazily spilled out from between his lips. He was out cold. (Hopefully, Hoggle outran that pissed off Fiery!) 

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**H**oggle's hands flew to his neck. The brownish digits covered the length from the indent at the bottom of his neck to the underneath of his chin. Hoggle deeply sighed and relief flooded over him. He felt like he had escaped the clutches of the Headless Horseman from Sleepy Hallow. The Fiery had not had its revenge… or at least not yet. 

Hoggle blindly stared before him. A tall elm loomed toward the blue-hued sky, his obstacle of almost utter destruction. Pain numbed Hoggle's senses, forcing him to wish for very strong painkillers. 

"I wish for a painkiller," Hoggle bitterly muttered while rubbing his throbbing forehead. An anvil flew through the air and hit Hoggle hard in the chest. The surprised creature slid back and slammed, back first into another tall elm. More scorching pain sailed through Hoggle as he evilly glared through his squinted eyes. 

A man appeared out of a gust of glitter and black smoke. His snowy hair of laired puffs flew magically around his long face into his mismatched eyes of blue and green. The man's thin lips curled into a smug grin, illuminating his pointed canine teeth. At first, Hoggle thought the person was a queer dressed in very tight clothing, but it was the devil. A devil named Jareth. 

Jareth waved a black-gloved hand that concealed a tiny crystal orb. The crystal mysteriously disappeared, taking the heavy anvil from Hoggle's stomach with it. Hoggle gasped for air. His insides burned with raging pain, thus causing Hoggle to moan with torment. He glared at Jareth with one eye and wheezed heavy. Even his lungs hurt and Jareth, the King of 'Demons,' had not even touched them yet. Jareth snickered wickedly, causing Hoggle to shake like gooseberry Jell-O. Hoggle tried to summon the remains of his fading courage. 

"What did ya have to go and do that fer?" Hoggle gasped hugging his bruised and battered belly. Jareth adjusted the cuff of his glove before answering. 

"You wished for a painkiller. I was more than happy to oblige with your wishes," Jareth replied happily, "Besides Heggle, it works on Looney Tunes. One wallop on the head… " Jareth snapped the edge of his leather glove against the smooth flesh of his wrist. "… And you won't feel a thing." 

"It's Hoggle," Hoggle moaned unhappily. Hoggle suddenly felt that he had better odds of survival with the Fiery than with the Goblin King. Jareth rolled his eyes, grabbed Hoggle by the tip of his pointed ear and yanked him (with stubby arms flying) onto his feet. 

"Look at you," Jareth declared tossing Hoggle away from him with revulsion, "Laying down when there is work to be done. I should throw you headfirst straight into the Bog of Stench this very minute." 

Terror furiously gripped its jaws into Hoggle's shivering hide. Hoggle quickly fell to his knees and crawled over to Jareth's side like a baby with poop-filled diaper. With trembling hands, Hoggle clenched onto the flesh of Jareth's tightly clothed thigh. The earthshaking creature buried his face into the king's leg, nearly nipping his balls. Should a casual observer have wondered by at that moment, they would have sworn that the Goblin King was receiving a blowjob from a dwarf. 

Embarrassed by Hoggle's reaction to his threats, Jareth threw the shaking mess away from his person. "Do that again and I will throw you in just for fun." Jareth moved his muscular thigh away from Hoggle by tossing him back onto the ground. Hoggle hysterically turned around and tried horribly to control his heavy breathing. He was gasping like a pregnant woman giving birth. 

Jareth flicked his wrist and Hoggle's square-shaped face took shelter behind his arm. An apple appeared in Jareth's wide-open palm. Hoggle peered underneath the white folds of fabric from his shirtsleeve. "There is a small boy wondering throughout the Labyrinth," Jareth cannily told Hoggle. A clock appeared before Jareth's searching gaze. The long hand of the ghostly clock steadily clicked away the minutes around its thirteen-numbered face. "He will be here shortly." The clock vanished, leaving behind traces of blacken haze. 

The Goblin King tossed the enchanted fruit before Hoggle. It slowly rolled to a stop at Hoggle's large and very smelly feet. The dwarf suddenly felt terrible as he picked up the apple from dusty ground. The fruit was warm. It burned into Hoggle's soft flesh. Fear showing luminously in his eyes, Hoggle franticly gazed up toward Jareth, the crafter of his uncertain doom. 

"It won't hurt him…" Hoggle was cut short. 

"Headwart, you not an evil queen from Snow Queen. Just think of yourself as one of the seven dwarfs and help the boy out a bit." Jareth grinned wickedly and turned to leave. "Oh and Hoggle, you have nothing to protect from me this time. It's not Sarah running my Labyrinth." 

Jareth disappeared into the black, glittery mists from which he came. His laughter was like an evil plague spreading throughout Hoggle's ears. Anger rose into Hoggle's wrinkled cheeks, flushing them. He clung onto the apple so hard, he swore that he could smash it into applesauce. He hated Jareth even more now than he ever had before. Hoggle weak spot was Sarah and Jareth knew it. 

Hoggle unclenched his firm hold on the apple. He glanced down at the fruit. Its smooth surface was unblemished, much like the peach he had given Sarah. Hoggle choked back the fresh tears of shame that the memory had refreshed. He knew Sarah was safe from any harm that Jareth could place upon her pretty, little head. Hoggle gloomily wondered away from where the two elms towered to the sky. His troublesome thoughts conjectured madly within him, like the White Rabbit late with an audience at the Red Queen's Court. 

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**H**oggle located the boy by a small creek. The dwarf watched the small child attentively. The child was cupping his hands and dipping them into the cool waters of the stream. He would then drink from his hands or splash the water into his face. 

Hoggle pondered about pushing the child into the waters. The boy was sinewy and small built, easy enough to push and he looked old enough to know how to swim. Hoggle shook his head, tossing the idea into his mind's trashcan. Hoggle glanced away form the slender form at the banks and toward a small, brown pouch at his side. The apple was in there and it burned hot from the inside of the leather pouch. The dwarf quickly untied the emaciated rope that held the sides of the apple's containment together. He had no time to loose. He wanted his evil deed to be done and over with. 

The apple was thrown from the brushes where Hoggle silently spied. It hit the ground hard and magically tumbled across the forest floor to a haul at the boy's feet. Hoggle watched with silent spells of dread as the child plucked the apple from the ground and briefly glimpsed around him. The suspense of what would happen was so nerve-racking; that Hoggle felt like he could pee himself, but the dwarf only held breath and watched. Discovering that no one was near, the boy returned his full attention back to the unharmed fruit. He polished the rosy red flesh and without a second thought, he sunk his teeth deep into the apple. 

Hoggle wanted to run, but his large, overbearing amounts of shame held his feet and eyes glued onto the small boy. The child dropped the fruit to the ground and Hoggle sprung forward, rushing to the boy's aid. By the time Hoggle reached the boy, it was too late. The small child lay on the cold ground, barley breathing, in a crumpled heap. The bitten apple rolled away, harmlessly, from the boy's non-lifelike fingertips. 

A terrified Hoggle searched around him. No floating crystals surrounded him, like there had been in Sarah's passing. 

_Of course there would not be_, Hoggle reasoned. _Jareth cares nothing for this poor child_. There will be no saving him. Unknowing what to do, Hoggle angrily kicked the bitten apple into the waters of the creek. The water splashed up and then back down, fading into silent ripples. 

"Damn you, Jareth!" 

Hoggle's hate boiled and many plans of vengeance took place in the depths of Hoggle's shallow mind. A light bulb clicked on upstairs and a silly grin washed over Hoggle's face. He had a plan. Hoggle waddled away from the boy's body, throwing his hands behind him with a wild and loud grunt. Would his plan work? 

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**Author's Note:**

_Thank you for reading. Please feel free to review or flame away!_


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